BtU|| Not Enough

   "Drostan, do you think I'm pretty?"

      Danica peered curiously at the man while dangling her upper half off the edge of her bed. From her upside down position, she watched as Drostan blinked in surprise at her, before a bright smile spread across his face. Danica was positive he had no idea how badly the expression made her want to kiss him.

       "Of course you're pretty, Dani. Don't you think so?"

   She waved a hand in dismissal at his question. "What I think about my looks doesn't matter," she responded. "What matters to me is what other people think. Like you. Do you think I'm attractive?" Drostan shifted, his cheeks beginning to take on a tinge of pink.

   "W-well, I suppose I do, yes," he answered, beginning to fidget. Danica felt a twinge of hope begin to flutter in her chest. She sat up and turned around so She was facing Drostan.

 “So, would you want to play with me instead of some game?” She asked, a hand going up to fiddle with the zipper of her suit. She earned a look of confusion in response.

     “Oh? I’m sorry, Dani. I didn't know you wanted to play too,” Drostan apologized, giving her a guilty expression. “Here. How about you pick out the game you want to play instead and I’ll play it with you.” Danica could feel her frustration with the man slowly building. Why did he have to be so oblivious? Why did she have to find it so cute?

      “No, Drostan. I want you to play with me.” Danica slowly tugged the zipper of her suit down to her sternum as she spoke, giving Drostan a view of her cleavage and hopefully some idea of what she had meant. Drostan’s eyes flicked down to the newly revealed skin before quickly looking away. His cheeks began to flush pink.

    “I-I don’t think that’s- I mean, that’s v-very nice of you but- It’s not that you’re not pretty- I mean, you’re very pretty- I-I just wouldn’t want to- I just-- I would rather th-that sort of thing be with s-someone special. N-not that you’re not special! You’re a very g-good friend! I-I just don’t- I mean I appreciate the offer but- um- uh--”

    Danica watched as Drostan struggled and fumbled with his words as his face grew a deeper and deeper shade of red the more he continued to try and find a decent way to turn her down. Whatever amusement she would’ve normally had about his reaction was gone though. Whatever small amount of hope she had felt that Drostan would finally pick up on her flirtations and take her up on any of the multitude of offers she gave him had been ultimately crushed and broken. Danica felt a weight drop in her chest and a lump form in her throat. Despite what she was feeling, however, the woman simply gave him a smile and zippedher suit back up. She was good at pretending to be happy. She did it all the time.

    “Drostan, relax. It was just a joke,” she assured him. “You know I just like to watch you struggle.” The man’s shoulders relaxed some, and Drostan hesitantly looked up at her with a small smile. “Right… Heh. G-good one, Dani. I should’ve known it was a joke.”

    “Yes, you really should have,” Danica responded with a playful grin. The weight in her chest dropped down to her stomach. She stood from her bed. “Now, I know you just got here and all, but I’ve gotta go take care of some captain stuff on the ship. You’re welcome to hang around though. I’ll be back in a bit.” Before Drostan had a chance to say anything, she was already out the door and hurriedly making her way to the engine room.

    It was a tactical retreat, really. She was hurt, and needed to get as far away from what caused the pain as quickly as she could so she could recover and go back to pretending these interactions didn’t affect her nearly as much as they actually did. There wasn’t really anything she needed to do just yet. The engine room, however, was almost always empty and the running of the ship’s engine and other mechanical parts made just enough noise to smother the sound of someone crying.  

    Why did he always hurt her? He didn’t ever mean to. Hell, Danica was sure he didn’t even realize what he was doing. Drostan was sweet, and caring, and was the most oblivious person she had ever had the misfortune of ever encountering. He probably didn’t even know how much she liked him. He definitely wasn’t aware of how much she puts herself at risk just to talk to him. For God’s sake, what kind of pirate put herself through this much shit for a goddamn package boy?! Apparently a stupid one.

    Danica sniffled and sunk down to the floor with her back against the ship’s wall. Drostan’s mess of words ran through her head. There was only one reasonable conclusion to gain from whatever he had tried to tell her. He only saw her as a friend, and Danica would never be seen as special enough for Drostan to even consider her being more than that. She let out a strangled sob, burying her face in her knees.

    This was a dumb thing to cry about. It’s not like she cared, right? Right. She could have anyone. The face that she’s spent the past eight months trying to get with the same person was absurd and a waste of time. Nothing more. There were tons of better looking men who probably were better endowed. Yeah. There were definitely more 6’4”, well muscled, super adorable, extremely sweet, and absurdly attractive redheaded men out there. Maybe there was an entire planet of them. If so, she would definitely retire there once she found it. The thought made her let out a small laugh through the tears.

    God, she was so pathetic...